Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Is Jeff Fisher running for office? Will he please share his Jedi Mind Tricks?

In the wake of the Titans latest baffling home field debacle, wherein they blew a game to the Denver Broncos, Kyle Orton unloaded on the tough-guy Titans telling The Tennessean that:
“You always hear about how tough they are and all that stuff,’’ Orton said. “I don’t think they are tough. I think they are cheap, and it was one of the cheapest games that I’ve ever seen out of some of those players."

Hell yeah, Kyle.  That quote is up there with old-school Steeler Lee Flowers calling the Tony Dungy era Bucs "paper champions" after the Steelers kicked the living hell out of them one weekend years back.

Thankfully it didn't stop there as Bronco's coach Josh McDaniels went there on the GREAT Jeff Fisher saying to the Denver Post (emphasis mine):
"You can put any tape you want to of Tennessee and there's going to be 10 penalties. You either coach it or you allow it to happen. That's how I look at that."

Never thought I'd ever write the following sentence, but: Josh McDaniels is awesome!
The GREAT, CLASSY (I found out today that this is the new permanently attached, never demonstrated, Jeff Fisher characteristic) Jeff Fisher responded with a sort of stunned, placid anti-grace (I couldn't decide if the comatose style he used stemmed from the shock of McDaniels and Orton actually calling his cheesy ass out or if he'd actually just the watched tapes of Vince Young and his offense) saying (emphasis mine):
"We play aggressive — we don't play cheap," Titans coach Jeff Fisher said. "If there are things after the whistle or during the play, players are fined for them. But we're not a cheap football team. I don't know what he's referring to."

Fisher is saying this after a game where his Defensive Coordinator Chuck Cecil got fined $40,000 for shooting the referees the finger; surely something a cheap football team would never do.  He's saying this amidst the fact that as of Sunday's game the Titans lead the NFL in personal fouls with six for 88 yards and roughing-the-passer penalties with two for 29 yards, not to mention total fines assessed with over $47,000 and counting this season.  Fisher is saying this two weeks after the Titans Cortland Finnegan openly admitted his ambition to be known as "the dirtiest player in the league."  Those are all things Josh McDaniels could have been referring to.   Mike Florio of PFT reported on Monday morning that:
"A backlash quietly is building in league circles against the Titans, who entered the weekend with the most personal foul/unnecessary roughness penalties in the league -- and who led all teams with fines in the amount of $47,500...Some league insiders believe the time has come for Fisher to take control of the situation.  Said one high-level source with another team, "We have to sit and listen to Fisher pontificate at league meetings every year, and his guys are as dirty as anyone."

So McDaniels and Orton deserve serious credit for saying brashly and publicly what more and more people around the league are starting to realize: that the Titans are cheap and it has to start reflecting on the GREAT, CLASSY Jeff Fisher.  It should also be noted that Haynesworth played for the Titans when he stepped on Andre Gurode's face.  Obviously Fisher didn't do the actual deed, but it is worth mentioning and considering in regards to the larger questions stemming from McDaniels' comment/observation that 'you either coach it or allow it to happen" on your watch.  It's hilarious seeing the dude do a full-on politico and lie with a straight-face, though, insisting that black is actually white and "we are not a cheap team" blah blah...yet
Today I watched Trent Dilfer nearly jump out of his seat on NFL Live defending the honor of the CLASSY Jeff Fisher.  I thought he was going to smack Josh McDaniels in the face with a glove ala Bugs Bunny and challenge him to a duel in defense of Fisher's honor.  Michael Wilbon, whom I love and almost always agree with, pulled the "Fisher is the most respected coach in the league" card.  I thought Bill Plaschke was going to cry on Around the Horn when he addressed McDaniels goshdarn intransigence.  And so on...
The force is strong in the one formerly of the cheesy moustache and utterly mediocre track record

Monday, September 27, 2010

MFL III.

1. I don't wish injuries on dudes, but I made an exception last night when Braylon Edwards did his precious little dance after scoring when the cornerback covering him slipped and fell down.  I was hoping a torn hammy, or a blown ACL on Braylon as he danced (I would have taken the 15 and trucked him if I was one of the Dolphins).  I don't think in the annals of sports I've ever started to hate a team, coach and players as hard and fast as I now hate the Jets.  Edwards, fresh off a DUI that most likely would have put the majority of the fans watching the game in jail, isn't even smart enough to act humble that the Jets abjectly hid behind the CBA and feared losing to the Dolphins so much that they didn't bench his sorry-ass.  Look, I'm no angel and I sure as hell would have broken a breathalyzer or two in my life had I been driving at the time, but I didn't make that decision and, more importantly, I don't play for the National Football League where, right or wrong, everything you do is in the glare of the public-eye.  I didn't realize this initially, but Braylon Edwards was in the car with Donte Stallworth when he drunkenly ran-over a pedestrian; if you can't get the message and shake off your sense of privilege being witness to that unnecessary tragedy, you never will. Then the Jets had the nerve to act like benching him for the WHOLE first quarter was some sort-of brutal, harsh measure of retribution that sure learned Braylon his lesson.  This dude, his "New York essence" and his whack fucking twinkle toe touchdown dance are the most aggravating thing in the league at the moment, that is, until Santonio takes his job in 2 weeks and Edwards fades back into on-field irrelevance.

2. The Chiefs.
I watched Manchester United play the Kansas City Wizards at the new Arrowhead Stadium in July.  It was an amazing atmosphere!  The stadium was packed and the electric crowd spurred on the Wizards who beat Man U's traveling summer squad.  Even though it was an exhibition, it definitely made an impression on me.  Arrowhead used to be one of the most intimidating, unforgiving stadiums and homefield advantage auras in the NFL before the Chiefs recent plunge into hard times.  It looks like that homefield advantage is becoming a factor again this season as Todd Haley's young, fast, surprisingly sturdy defensive-minded Chiefs squad hammered the hapless critical darling 49ers there yesterday afternoon.  Coming off an excellent draft, wherein they added Eric Berry to an already impressive defensive backfield and the blazingly fast and versatile wildcard Dexter McCluster who can run back kicks and/or line-up as receiver or running back, the Chiefs look ready to contend in a weak, baffling AFC West.  You could see a few glimpses of this young team's potential last year, and the power of the Arrowhead mystique, when the Chiefs took the Cowboys and Steelers to overtime at home last season.  The Cowboys survived, but the Steelers didn't and their playoff hopes were dealt a fatal blow.  I'm always glad to see a franchise with history and tradition do well.  It just makes the league seem better, in my opinion.  Now I'm just waiting for the Raiders and Bills to re-emerge.

more soon (including metal and wrestling) honestly

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

MFL (Part II. in a series)

Let's get right into it.


#1. Fisher narrative gets a jolt thanks to the brutality of the Steelers Defense
I'm going to take a tiny bit of credit for this one. Blame it on the overwhelming wedding mojo (mine, not his) of the past week's post.  But seriously, the Steelers Defense is playing at an outrageous level and they deserve the bulk of the credit for re-opening the 'Jeff Fisher is GREAT' debate. James Harrison looks better and more "whiskey bent and hellbound," as Big Dus would say, than he did 2 seasons ago when he won Defensive Player of the Year honors enroute to the Steelers 6th Super Bowl title.
It's hard to pile anymore accolades on top of Troy Polamalu and his Godlike hair and penchant for insanely athletic interceptions-precisely when they're needed most. I also want to single out Lawrence Timmons, who is beginning the breakout season Steelers beat reporters predicted he was going to have last year before he got hurt at the end of training camp and never quite got back on-track. These men absolutely annihilated the Tennessee Titans on Sunday. Vince Young actually said after the game that the Dick Lebeau's defense "did some things that I haven't seen before."
A quick aside: The Steelers have played the Titans 3 times in the past 3 seasons, and before that resided in the same division for awhile, so shouldn't the GREAT Jeff Fisher have been able to get Young reasonably prepared for what he might see from the Steelers defense; I mean they've only been playing the 3-4 for a good 20 years or so.
James Harrison, Hines Ward and others noted that Chris Johnson seemed to "give up" after the pummeling he took every time he touched the ball started to sink in.  These same comments could haven been uttered after the Patriots game last season when they gave up, then too, in the snow. This horrendous beatdown prompted the 'GREAT' Jeff Fisher to panic and pull Vince Young for the ancient Kerry Collins, who promptly came in and threw an interception. This move made many normally sympathetic commentators, from Deion Sanders (who couldn't hide his disgust and contempt for Fisher on the NFL Network) to Fisher's ESPN PR agent Skip Bayless, go ballistic. Deion essentially said that "Young had saved Fisher's job at least once" and Bayless, fresh off his "Fisher is one of the best coaches in the league" non-sense of one short week ago, actually looked into the camera yesterday morning and said that on Sunday evening he thought that Fisher should be "fired" for pulling such a panic move and ruining the ever-fragile Young's psyche.
So thank you Steelers Defense, for not only adding the icing on top of an incredible weekend with an inspiring win, but for re-opening, at least for the time being, the case on the 'GREAT' Jeff Fisher and proving, once again, upon further review, there is really not much evidence in support of it.

#2.  I hate Ray Lewis again.
His interviews this season have been great so-far, but I'm back to hating him and every player on the overrated Ravens.

#3.  I love Randy Moss

 Always have.  The dude is the most graceful and athletic receiver in the history of the league, in my opinion.  The way he uses his body to get in position and grab jump balls in the end-zone reminds me of a strong power forward/center in the NBA.  It's amazing to watch.  His catch against the Jets on Sunday was a work of art.  I got so tired of hearing about 'Revis Island' that I wanted to Moss to make a statement against him in their one-on-one match-up on Sunday, which he did even though the Patriots lost.  Revis is building a great career, but Moss is a surefire Hall-of-Famer, who forged his reputation and legacy over the past decade-plus.  He's established in ways that Revis won't be for years, and, in-fact, may never be.  Moss also had the sickest beard in NFL history, in addition to adding the excellent phrase "straight-cash, homey" to our sports lexicon.  I don't think I've ever heard a West Virginia accent as thick as his.  Apparently, according to an SI profile, back from when he was still with the Raiders, he's a germ freak.  I've seen at least 2 NFL Films clips of him warming up to T.I. on the sidelines...all of these things made me the like the dude even more.  Cheers!  I hope the Pats let you go next year so you can end your career in Western Pa.
Bonus:
This commercial was freakin' awesome!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

MFL (part 1. in a series)

I had a friend named Steve Martin. Even though he wasn't that guy, we used to call him The Jerk sometimes just for fun anyway.
He used to refer to the National Football League as the MFL.  Everybody on Madden was a "Ma' Fuck" in those days (we were too lazy to even finish our curses), so we re-named the NFL accordingly.
I'm going to steal that title for my super important, smart-assed take on things happening around the MFL.
Sort of like Jim Rome, but good and in English.

Before I start let me just say that, without question, tomorrow is one of the best days of the year.  Willie D started referring to opening Sunday as "Christmas" a years back and I had to smile yesterday when I read Fred Taylor say the same thing.

Without further ado-

1. Why is Titans coach Jeff Fisher considered, unquestioningly, by reporters and ESPN types to be a "GREAT" coach? 
As I keep doing this I hope certain themes start to emerge and coalesce and one of those will be my attempt to discern why and how certain trains of thought- ie."Jeff Fisher is a genius and one of the GREAT coaches in the league today"-solidify into so-called "conventional wisdom" and thus never again examined or challenged.  I've been wondering this about Jeff Fisher and his porn star moustache for years, but this past week Skip Bayless pushed me over the edge.  Bayless was 'debating' Newsday's Bob Glauber on ESPN's First Take (yes, I actually watch that crap) and he picked the Titans to go to the Super Bowl, saying "Jeff Fisher, and I think you'll agree with me, is still one of the 2 or 3 best coaches in the league, is he not?" And Glauber, to his eternal credit, looked stunned and incredulous before replying "No, I don't agree with that at all," an exasperated crack in his voice.  Glauber is one of the lone voices in the wilderness on this issue, strangely immune to the shopworn 'Fisher is a GREAT coach' narrative. When New England pummeled Tennessee last year in the snow 59-0 and whispers started to surface regarding Fisher's job security, Mike Golic and others tripped over themselves to see who could sing his praises the loudest and scream about what a huge mistake it would be for the Titans to make such a move.  In that specific game, the Titans were so unprepared, so outcoached, and outclassed it was as embarrassing a loss as I've ever seen. It looked somebody told them they didn't really have to run their normal offense or actually make tackles in the snow.  Yet the pundits reacted, instinctively, like any questions about his job were ludicrous and out of bounds. What has this guy done that's so magical and spectacular?  Never has a coach gotten so much mileage out of a decade old Super Bowl LOSS.

Another Fisher dissenter is, strangely enough, ESPN's hapless Sal Paolantonio, who put Fisher in the "Overrated" section of his book The Paolantonio Report, which, by the way, is complete and utter shite (yes I payed real American currency for it, unfortunately).  Paolantonio actually looked at Fisher's won-loss record (now at 136 wins to 110 losses for a killer .553 winning%, and 5 wins to 6 losses in the playoffs) and found that it was stunningly mediocre, compared to his reputation, outright poor in the playoffs and, most tellingly, nearly identical to Dennis Green's (113 wins to 94 losses).  Yet despite having pretty much the same type of record and winning percentage, Dennis Green never managed to parlay that record into automatic, unquestioned status as a GREAT coach for some reason, and, of course, is no longer even in the league after his epic meltdown.
So again I ask why Fisher?  What has this guy achieved as a coach besides managing not to produce any overt beer commercial fodder and having an overly patient, slightly senile owner behind him
The Titans went 13-3 two seasons ago, earned homefield advantage throughout the playoffs and choked, miserably.  You could see, hear and feel it coming from miles away.  The Ravens went in to Tennessee and kicked their asses with relative ease.  Ray Lewis was knocking people's helmets off, while every time you looked up Albert Haynesworth was laying on, or getting helped from, the field.  It was the only time his name was ever called that day.  Incidentally, that's when I knew for sure somebody would make a huge, huge mistake giving that turd big money.  It's so sweet that it turned out to be the Redskins.  Good work, as always, Mr. Snyder!  Still, this abject playoff failure came and went with nary a word regarding the fact that the Ravens came into Tennessee with a rookie head-coach and quarterback and beat the tar out of the GREAT Jeff Fisher's squad.
The next season they started 0-6, bottoming out with the aforementioned debacle in New England.
This year people like Bayless and others are actually expecting things from the Titans, so maybe, finally, when they fail to live up to them people will start to question the validity of the "Fisher is GREAT" narrative. Maybe.


2.  Ray Lewis is exactly right and pretty awesome, at least until October 3rd
Ray Lewis fuckin' had enough of the Jets' bullshit and damn did he let them have it in awesome rant that was part promo (I was waiting for the camera to pull wide and reveal "Mean" Gene holding the mic), part Public Service Announcement on behalf all the non-Jet players in the league and the millions of fans not in New York/New Jersey that are sick to death of hearing a 9-7 squad talking shit and guaranteeing Super Bowls victories.  I never, ever thought I'd write this, but: "Thank You." You said what needed to be said and people will listen because you're a Hall of Famer with an actual championship ring  Never has a team that has accomplished so little, talked so damn much...it's to the point where you can't even ignore it anymore. Tom Brady said he "hated" the Jets a few weeks ago, but he stopped short of threatening dudes the way Lewis did.  So until the Ravens and Steelers tee it up on October 3rd, I'm on your side, Big Man and I hope you tear it up, Monday night.








Thursday, September 9, 2010

Ugly Things


I've been paying loose attention Linda McMahon's Senate Campaign.  Loose attention, because as the late, great Dr. Hunter S. Thompson once said, "politics is a rotten business and a habit worse than heroin."  Amen, Doc. I'm trying to kick the habit, but her candidacy is fascinating on many, many levels to me as an amateur news junkie and veteran wrestling fan.

McMahon is running largely on her business acumen as former WWE Chairman and no one can dispute the WWE's success, but as the bodies of former wrestlers, or 'talent' in the current corporate and campaign vernacular, continue to pile up she finds herself painted into a serious corner because you cannot constantly tout your success as chief executive of a company and then say it's out of bounds, or irrelevant, when said company's former employees turn up dead at an appalling and alarming rate.  These events have compelled journalists to start probing further into the often ugly scenes behind the curtains of the wrestling business and they're uncovering some unsettling stuff.

TPM has an excellent post/report up today titled "Does Linda McMahon Have a Dead Wrestler Problem?" that compiles all of the recent bad news/premature wrestling deaths/and subsequently clumsy, cold and costly McMahon campaign responses.  It's full of interesting stuff and I highly recommend reading it and all of the links embedded within it.
One of things that jumped off the page, to me, was a frightening must read article from the North-Central Connecticut Journal Inquirer involving the WWE's use of "Death Clauses."   The company inserts this clause into contracts to remove any liability they would incur in the case of serious injury and/or death.  According to the paper, the clause reads something like this:

“WRESTLER, on behalf of himself or his heirs, successors, assigned and personal representatives, hereby releases, waives, and discharges PROMOTER from all liability to WRESTLER and covenants not to sue PROMOTER for any and all loss or damage on account of injury to any person or property resulting in serious or permanent injury to WRESTLER or WRESTLER’s death, whether caused by the negligence of the PROMOTER, other wrestlers, or otherwise,”

If that weren't interesting enough, the Journal Inquirer reports that Linda McMahon personally signed the late Owen Hart's booking contract, which included a 'death clause.'  Owen fell hideously to his death during an ill-conceived stunt where he was supposed to be lowered into the ring from the rafters of the Kemper Arena in Kansas City.  In reaction to this revelation, the campaign pointed to the fact that they settled with Owen's family despite the clause, quoting from a deposition given by Vince McMahon during the ensuing trial where he states that:

“That means ultimately someone who puts on this show, someone is responsible in some way, whether it be legal or moral, and I felt responsibility,” 

But, Chris Benoit's father, Michael Benoit is quoted, in direct contravention of this specific attempt by the McMahon's at damage control, as saying:


“As I am sure you are aware, WWE matches are scripted, and Stephanie McMahon Levesque testified before a congressional committee back in late 2007 that all stunts — an example of that would be a chair shot to the head — must be pre-approved by Vince McMahon,” he said, referring to the candidate’s daughter and husband. “This type of scripted match, I believe, is the underlying cause of all the early deaths in this industry.

“This extreme behavior in a wrestling ring would never have been allowed under the rules of the wrestling and boxing commissions,” he added. “Linda McMahon claims one of her greatest accomplishments while working at WWE was getting their industry deregulated. They now operate with absolutely no oversight. History will show that the early death rate of wrestlers started shortly after the regulation was stopped."

Benoit's mention of the deregulation angle and aspect of the WWE's, at the time unprecedented, shift from the traditional kayfabe paradigm to the acknowledgment that wrestling was, indeed, scripted and their haste to re-label it "Sports Entertainment," and the supposition/theory that this maneuver was undertaken to free the company from regulation by state athletics commissions is something that was also touched on by Deadspin's awesome Masked Man in a recent column wherein he quotes the New York Times:
"In the '80s, the McMahons did a remarkable thing: They dispensed with the pretense of reality and admitted that wrestling was staged. The WWF started using the term "Sports Entertainment" to classify its peculiar endeavor. But lest you think this was a gesture of honesty or evolution, realize this had a very direct impact on the company's bottom line. As The New York Times put it recently, this move helped free the WWF from 'a thicket of regulations from various state athletic commissions, requiring things like physical exams of wrestlers weeks before they would appear, and the stationing of state-approved doctors ringside during matches.'"

I'd never looked at it in this manner.  I'd always just naively thought that they adopted the 'Sports Entertainment' label to appear more mainstream and marketable and to be able to appeal to a mass audience without being burdened with the stigma of the "rasslin'" label.  The deregulation aspect of this decison was something I hadn't considered, but now as I look back it makes perfect sense.  I actually remember old AWA matches where the ring announcers would reference, often by name, the state's presiding and sometimes present athletic commission official (especially when they were in Las Vegas's Showboat Sports Pavilion). Of course, the legendary Ric Flair/Lex Lugar title match which the Maryland athletic commission actually 'stopped' because of excessive bleeding comes to mind as well.  I'm sure that match was a work, but it was a work made possible by the existing framework of kayfabe and the importance the pretense of athletic commission oversight and the resultant veneer of legitimacy and plausibility that oversight provided said framework.

The other side of this is Mr. Benoit's argument that since there is no oversight "history will show that the early death rate of wrestlers started shortly after the regulation was stopped."  Does he have a point??
I think he does.  If you take a look back, premature wrestling deaths on this scale never riddled the territorial areas in the same manner.  And it's not like wrestlers had lighter schedules then.  Ric Flair has stated many times that in the early 80's he wrestled over 300 nights a year.  There were dangerous, albeit rare, matches back then as well, such as chain matches, even barbed-wire and scaffold matches. 
It's definitely something to think about and it's amazing that a political campaign for the United States Senate, no less, is what's bringing things like this to light.

Another, less serious, thing the TPM report brought to my attention is that Vince gave an interview to the Associated Press in early August where he laments the fact that all this criticism the WWE, and by extension Linda's campaign, is receiving fails to take into account the "soap opera elements" of the business and storylines.  As the Masked Man noted in his column, this response is a standard fallback for the McMahons when asked tough questions about the WWE.  But here is where it turns ridiculous and absurd, the interviewer asked Vince about the infamous necrophilia skit and Vince said:
"If you knew the story line behind it, what have you, you might even consider that black humor, you know, dark humor, which is what it was designed to be."

I'm a Vinny Mac fan, and I don't consider myself a prude, but this answer is complete and utter bullshit.  I did watch that angle and story-line unfold and it was the absolute nadir of a life-time of pro-wrestling fandom.  Period.  It was so bad we were actually stunned when it was over.  There was nothing funny, dark or otherwise, about it.  It was garbage, and, honestly, if Triple H loves the business as much Jim Ross and others endlessly state, he should have refused to participate in it.  In fact, when I first read that Linda was running for Senate I immediately remembered this skit and thought "She could be OK until someone digs that up." I'm not even sure how many of the opposition researchers working for her opponents and the political reporters covering this race realize that the star of the necrophilia skit is actually Linda McMahon's son-in-law.

I actually saw a clip earlier this year of some McMahon campaign function or other and Triple H was brought onstage briefly.  So, again, they cannot have it both ways.  You can't trade on someone's fame and then act like questions about the same person's, a family member at that, participation in a skit about necrophilia are out of context, or out of bounds.

McMahon is behind by an average of 10 points heading into the November election and would most likely just be an oddity/human interest story at this point, thanks to her wrestling connections, even with her considerable fortune behind her, if her opponent Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal hadn't misspoke about and/or outright fabricated details about his military service.

There is definitely a lot to think about in TPM's piece.

R.I.P. Luna Vachon.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Round and Round-Up

I can't believe it's been this long between posts.  It sure has been a busy/dreary summer.  It started when I tore up my ankle (literally) the day after I wrote that CODC post.  Then I got caught up in moving, yet again, applying for jobs, doing wedding crap etc.etc and all of a sudden it's September.  I was also doing a lot of blogging at my old job.  I've spent the last few weeks in Silver Spring (no that wasn't me yesterday, a few people have actually posed the question) reading books for Library Journal, writing cover letters, watching soccer matches and films at AFI Silver (particularly the Truffaut and Kurosawa Retrospectives).  It's been nice sleeping in, but it's starting to get nerve-wracking.

Last night I saw a D.C. United game in RFK Stadium and I can't stop thinking about it.  It was surreal and sort of creepy.  The stadium is crumbling to pieces as we speak and when we first sat down it was basically empty.  Sitting in a vast, empty stadium (literally less than 30 people were milling about at the time) was strange and the fact that it looked rusty, rickety and damn near condemned was messing with my mind.  I kept staring at the garish yellow, by age and design, ghost-ridden upper deck seats whose rows were punctuated by broken, removed chairs like a smoker's mouth with missing teeth.  I'm not trying to dis D.C. United or the MLS, but, holy shit man, just because the Redskins don't play there anymore doesn't mean you can forgo performing basic maintenance in a stadium you still invite people in to attend "professional" games at.  I can just see some D.C. United bigwig saying "The Redskins played here!!! Let's leave it like it is and not change a thing. It'll be gold, Jerry! Gold."  Wondering around the dilapidated building looking for beer vendors and unlocked bathrooms, I had one of those Shining experiences where I felt the psychic energy of the place and it wasn't always good.  Standing in one of the humid, claustrophobic bathrooms, I could just sense the arrests (how many Philly fans alone?), drunken brawls, broken noses, and ancient puddles of piss and cigarette butts from Sundays past.  It was unsettling.

As a lifelong football fan, I started thinking of all of the great NFC playoff games played there during the 80's and early 90's.  That was when the Redskins were actually still a proud, winning franchise with tradition and Hall-of-Famers like Russ Grimm and, one of my first football heroes, John Riggins.  So sitting there underneath a sunny sky revisiting those memories and that history helped balance the strange karma of the tumbling down, mostly empty stadium.
Another time machine aspect of the evening: the fans who did show up.
Not only did the architecture and layout of RFK bring to mind Three Rivers Stadium, but the D.C. United fans resurrected the Old-School (it's like the stadium demands nothing less) rowdy, beer throwing, cigarette smoking, high-decibel cursing inimical to the stadium experience of days gone by.  I was shocked when I saw a dude light a cigarette while actually talking to the security guard.  That shock vanished quickly as D.C. scored on a penalty early in the match and people started lighting colored smoke bombs and throwing their 10 dollar beers (I'm not exaggerating) at each other.  The security guards were chanting with and hugging the rowdy fans and a few times I got the half-exciting/half terrifying, Willard in Apocalypse Now type impression that no-one was truly in charge.
Our section did fill up, at least, and the D.C. supporters (probably 1,500-2,000 at this game all told) were like a raucous mutant gang, part Raiders "Black Hole" style intimidation, part pub chanting drum circle militia.  There was 'Darth Hooligan' a man with Darth Maul style face paint and a light-sabre.  There were people lugging floor toms that John Bonham might have played, banging away-as chants about shitting on the 6 (literally) Columbus Crew fans in the middle deck at other end of the stadium went on and on.  One dude behind me implored the refs to "SEND THAT PIECE OF SHIT #32 THE FUCK HOME" at volumes that would have made Pete Townsend cry.  It was a fun atmosphere
manufactured by a small, but in no way insignificant, band of fanatics.

As far as wrestling goes, I'm not interested in the WWE right now at all.  From what I've seen, the NXT angle is like the NWO angle, minus the charisma of Hall and Nash, for youngsters who missed it the first time around.  I think Wade Barrett can be a star eventually beyond this angle and Tarver is interesting, at least visually, with that mask.  That's it.
I've been reading about Linda Mac's Senate campaign and their clumsy response (she pulled the "I only met him once" card) to the, unfortunate death of Lance Cade and I'm going to post more on that soon.
I watched TNA a few times recently and at least that Best of 5 series between the Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money Inc. provided some excellent in-ring action.  All of the matches I saw were great, but my favorite was definitely the cage match.  Great chemistry between these 4 dudes, for sure.
I saw Ric Flair give an absolutely unhinged, instant classic promo on Jay Lethal that made me laugh, cry and chop my wife at the same time.
Here's most of it (there is a great line missing about his robe from that last  Wrestlemania being in the Smithsonian, which, incidentally, my girl hates being reminded of because she refuses to believe I'm not the only person in the world always marking out for the Dirtiest Player in the Game)


Metal-
I've just been listening to Electric Wizard, particularly Let Us Prey, alot.
The first song on U Chosen Few...I can probably write a whole post just on that.  For now I'll just say that they are one of the only bands that can truly mix metal and psychedelia.  The breakdown at the end of "U Chosen Few" is brain-crushing psychedelia with vocals that are mixed like insinuations, barely cracking the subconscious, but Jus's voice is there faintly burning on a pyre of discarded Sabbath riffs and queasy

More soon (for real)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Pgh. Grind Terrorists Return!!


Circle of Dead Children.
The name itself caused anxiety, panic and pained expressions in my household before I even told my wife I proudly participated in, and survived, the foam baseball bat "murder your neighbors" incident, years ago, on our drive to Virginia Beach last week.
CODC played a show at the legendary, now defunct, Pittsburgh venue the Millvale Industrial Theater wherein they set up their gear, in a circle, in the middle of the room and let people whirl and windmill all around them while they unleashed their short, shrapnel bursts of deathgrind insanity.  I can't remember if it was the show they played with A.C. or with Cephalic Carnage.  This was definitely in 2001 around when The Genocide Machine came out.  At any rate just when I thought their set that night couldn't get any better or sicker in the funnest, devil-horns sense of that term, they produced a box full of foam wiffleball bats.  Joe Horvath, CODC's vocalist, distributed the bats and then instructed us all to "murder our neighbors."  The band erupted, then the room.  I'll never forget the site of writhing, frenzied mass of human beings swirling, swinging and pummeling each other at will while the band detonated and spewed out the perfect soundtrack to a brilliantly cathartic, blunt-force foamy bloodletting.  A.C. should have just went home early (but then I would have been denied the spectacle of Seth Putnam calling Shannon: "8,000th wave punk rock").

The new album, five years in the making, Psalm of the Grand Destroyer is more brutal than that scene in Pan's Labyrinth when the general bashes that poor dude's face in with a wine bottle. It's so heavy I can't lift my iPod anymore.  The production is just as clear and powerful as it should be without sacrificing any edge or rawness.  The drumming is great and I love the weirdly, chaotic way these songs are arranged.  But, of course, the vocals are what keep me coming back to this devastating album.
Insanely deep, creepy growls that switch to burly burning witch shrieks and back again, always at the perfect pressure point in the song.  I'm not even a huge fan of death metal style vocals, but there is something so pure, pissed-off and terrifying in Joe's vocals.
The man sounds like a swarm of locusts.  Serious.
You know your shit is so sick and so insanely over the top when you have to put disclaimers on your record that say: "No vocal processing nor inhales" (ala Chris Barnes on Tomb of the Mutilated) so people understand there is no electronic trickery involved.
But unlike Barnes, Horvath's lyrics are abstract, interesting and paranoically thought provoking on the page.  To give you a tiny hint of where he's coming from they are copy-written by "Pale Horse, Inc." (RIP Mr. Cooper).
Favorite tracks on Psalm of the Grand Destroyer:
Ursa Major (1998 Revisited)
Earth and Lye
Obsidian Flakes

The whole album is good.  Just don't play it around your elderly colleagues after you've drank a few espressos.
I'm so glad CODC is back!

More soon:
I do still watch wrestling sometimes.
Also...Is it possible that the new Darkthrone, in conjunction with RJD's passing, has earnestly made me want to listen to Power Metal??